Inside Me There Is A Skinny Girl Trying To Get Out. I Usually Shut The Bitch Up With Chocolate!

Most of us have been here before, struggling with the demon that is weight loss. I'm smack in the middle of this battle now. I look at my high school pictures and want to just cry.

See! This was my Junior Prom! I looked awesome!!!!! Rocking a size 6-7!

This is me now :(. So not rocking a size 18 and miserable.


Well, 2 kids later and that girl has been long buried. The trouble started with my first child. I had a horrible reaction to my hormone levels which resulted in throwing up everything I ate, a horrible purple rash on 75% of my body and gaining around 80 pounds! After I had her, I discovered just how difficult weight loss was. I had never had to worry about it before. I was always very active, so I ate what I wanted. BIG MISTAKE! Even though I had my first child at 20, being young did nothing for my plight.

Just before I got pregnant with monster number 2, I began to lose weight FINALLY. I had lost about 15 pounds and then BOOM! Prego!!!! So much for weight loss. Pregnancy with Mickey was not nearly as bad as Amee and I was able to eat a little healthier. But I still put on about 50 pounds. After I had her I became determined. I was sitting at a very scary 250 pounds! It's terrifying to even say that number. I was worried about all kinds of problems. So as soon as I got the all clear from the doctor, I began my journey. I worked out, ate a very restrictive diet (aka boring!) and even tried a few weight loss pills. I lost 50 pounds in about 4-6 months. I was so proud of myself :). I thought nothing could stop me now.

Then came divorce and a move from Califonia to Washington. I was so busy, I didn't really have time to work out and my diet was quickly going down the drain. Surprisingly I was still losing weight. I was shocked, but hey, I sure wasn't going to complain. But then things went wrong. I began to feel really tired all the time, just over all run down. I ignored it for a year, figuring I was tired from dealing with Mickey's illnesses. Winter of 2007 the pain started. All over horrible pain that would wake me up in the middle of the night. And I was still losing weight.

So off to the doc I went. Turns out I had a really really bad vitamin D deficiency. So the doc loaded me up on vitamin D and I began to feel better. Then the weight started coming back (see what happens when you get healthy!!!). Between spring of 2008 and spring of 2010, I got back up to 215. I was devastated. I was exhausted and depressed and on top of that I had a chronically ill child. It's so hard to find the motivation to work out when your daughter is constantly asking you to sit with her. I couldn't stand to look at myself the mirror.

So I finally made the decision that this had to stop. I had two children and a husband that needed me! I joined a local gym and began the long journey, not only to get my weight under control, but to find myself again (that happy, bubbly bouncy ball of energy that Ryan fell in love with). I needed to get healthy for me. I needed to get healthy for Mickey, especially since we were closing in on a diagnosis. Shortly after joining the gym, I started working with trainers. The change has been amazing! I'm getting stronger, I have tons more energy. I am a better mother and a better wife.

The journey has just begun, but already I'm beginning to hover into the under 200 pounds range (by the end of this week, hopefully I will officially be under 200). I've lost 15 pounds and lots of inches. The muscle is coming on and the fat is melting off! My first goal is to reach 150 pounds. At that point I will decide just how much muscle I want to build up and how small I want to get. I also have completely changed the way we eat. The girls are totally gluten free (mostly for Mickey's Fibromyalgia, but it also helps Amee too). We eat a lot more fresh fruit and I eat more salads. I make healthy dinners at home and we keep eating out to a minimum (and when we do eat out, it's just me and Ryan). I work out 5-6 days a week with at least 3 of those days being weight training. I'm going slow and doing this the right way so that this time the weight stays off for good.

My trainers are incredible. I have one, Kevin, who I work with regularly. He is AWESOME! He pushes me hard, but also encourages me every step of the way. I have been physically challenged in ways I haven't felt since colorguard and water polo. The other trainers I work with occasionally, Max and Donnie, work with me to change things up a bit. They all work hard to help me work past my hurdles and to keep my workouts from getting boring. The understand my reasons for wanting to get my weight under control and they have all been extremely supportive (in fact the entire training team at the gym has been so great to me).

It is now almost the end of October and I'm on my way to becoming a healthy, fit, sexy Momma! I want to reach 150 by summer 2011 and have a plan ready for the rest of my training regiment. It's been a difficult road so far. I've hit hurdles, had breakdowns and gotten really frustrated, but I'm proud of myself for sticking with it and my family and friends have been really wonderfully supportive. If it weren't for them, I would probably still be laying on my fat ass, being sad and pathetic.

So here's to all the women struggling with their weight. To all the ones that are fighting hard to do something about it. To my friends that have been supportive. To my family that does what they can to make sure I stick with it. To my wonderful husband, who puts the kids to bed so I can go to the gym, encourages me and tells me I'm beautiful everyday (even when I don't feel beautiful), makes me go to the gym even when I don't want to and helps me out around the house when the trainers work me to the point of not being able to walk ;).