Oops!

I forgot about my blog for a few days, lol. I swear sometimes my daughter's Fibro Fog transfers over to me. Somedays I feel lucky just to remember what my name is. My life is consumed by the needs of others. Not exactly what I dreamed about as a little girl. I've always put the needs and wants of other before my own. Old habits are hard to break. At least I've learned to take a couple of hours for myself. The gym has become my hide away, my escape. My favorite time is the 15-20 minutes I spend in the sauna. I put on my music (usually the Evanescence, sometimes the soundtrack to Alice in Wonderland; I like dark music), turn off the light, lay down, close my eyes and let myself drift into the peaceful darkness of my mind. Sometimes I think about my friends, wishing I was with them, other times I drift down memory lane and occasionally I just let my mind go blank, but thats hard to do.

It's not that I don't like my life, I'm very happy with it. I have a wonderful husband, who has a good job. I have two beautiful little girls. My friends are wonderful and my family is at least tolerable most of the time. After 20 years of my sister and I barely getting along and not having much in common, we are now close. I have a lot of good things in my life and in general, I am a happy bubbly person. But there are times, especially when I lay in bed and my thoughts travel into the realm of woulda-shoulda-coulda, I think- how did I get here. How did the young ambitious girl who dreamed of traveling the world as a marine biologist, become a stay-at-home-mom (with no career to even fall back on). What's that saying? "Life is what happens when you're busy making plans." NO KIDDING!